What am I doing??

No, really.  After talking to my hairdresser the other day, I decided to join up on a couple of other dating sites.  She said some of the girls she worked with were going on lots of dates.  Well, since Match has been pretty dead lately, I thought, why not?  Let me tell you....free sites, kinda scary.  I have been inundated with emails from some weird people.  I've gotten phone numbers.  I've gotten multiple emails from the same people who wanted to make sure I got their message yesterday.  Yes.  I got it.  No, I didn't respond, so get a clue.  Anyway.  I'm pretty sure this won't last a week.  I guess I did get an email from a decent looking/seeming guy.  That's about it.  I wonder why guys don't realize that an email that says "Hi," or "How are you?" is really not going to elicit a response.  At least not from me, I guess.  I could be abnormal. 

Then I was talking to my friend at work because I had a momentary freak out.  I got to thinking, what if I start dating someone?  Is that going to lead to marriage?  What I am doing?  I guess that is pretty much the point of being on these dating sites, so I'd better get my s**t together.  Then she freaked me out even more by saying online things tend to progress a little faster because people are looking for something serious.  Thanks.

Oh, boy.

I forgot to mention this in my last post, which is too bad, because me eyes are watering from laughing as I type this.  I know that I have endlessly made fun of people's grammar, spelling, cheesy lines, etc.  However, I'm not sure that I have ever gone in to the ridiculousness that are some people's profile pictures!!

Case in point: I got an email from someone by the name of Dad4Luv.  First of all, cheesy.  Oops, I'm supposed to be focusing on the pictures right now.  Anyway....he has, I don't know, 20 pictures of himself.  That's quite a lot.  The sad thing is that he took every single one of those himself, including some set with a timer.  There's a picture of him with a Santa hat on.  Then there's one of him next to his Christmas tree.  Then there's one of him next to his Christmas tree AND with an antler headband on.  Then there's one of him next to his Christmas tree AND with the Santa hat on.  You get the idea. 

Last night I got a wink from someone who had a picture of his houseplant.  Not him by his houseplant, just the plant.  What's he trying to convey?  Hey, I have a green thumb....or hey, I'm environmentally friendly, or maybe even, I'm not opposed to growing some questionable plant life if you're up for it?

I don't know.  I've seen pictures of motorcycles, houses, kids, pets, cars, girls (yes, the guy is posing with girls.)

I guess there is just no end to the strangeness that I'm exposed to daily.  But, like I said, it's great for entertainment!!

Attack of the Steves......

It's really been all about Steve lately.  It seems like an inordinate number of Steves have winked at me or sent me an email.  No prospects though.  The name might be ruined for me after the Poop joke guy.  (And I have 2 uncles by that name.)  I had to send a Steve a "No thanks" message today to stop him from emailing me.  He's sent 2 in the last 3 days, and I haven't responded to either.  I think he winked too, so hopefully I put a gentle end to that.  If not....he's getting blocked!

Oh yeah, the 42 year old.  I just don't have a good nickname for him.  Disappointing.  He could be....Off Shores guy, I guess, since he travels a lot for work.  Anyway, he didn't end up calling me last week or 2 weeks ago...whatever it was because he got home late.  So, he called me the next day and we planned our "date."  In about 3 seconds because I was dying to get off the phone.  We met for beers at Old Chicago last Wednesday.  It was pretty much like most of my dates so far....so-so.  My goal is to not make judgements on first dates, and I was certainly willing to go out again, but I haven't heard from him.  Besides, 3 kids at 14, 12, and 8 are a lot to handle!

I was quite the wink-slut last week, but I haven't heard from any of those guys.  If they are anything like me, they would rather have an email anyway!

Bad Spellers Need Not Apply

Okay, I am starting to wonder if I am getting a little too critical.  After all, not everyone has perfect spelling or grammar, right?  Not even me:)  It's such a turn off though!  I got a message from a guy, and his first line was, "I seen we were about the same age."  I seen?  I seen? 

I was reading these things out loud to my Mercy pals the other night, and they thought I should have my own amateur comedy routine where all I do is read these Match profiles and messages.  It is entertaining, but mostly to the people who know me. 

Today, I am waiting for a call from a 42 year old.  I really wanted to avoid the whole phone-conversation-with-a-complete-stranger thing, but he insists on calling me so we can figure out a time to go out for a couple of drinks.  Isn't that what texting is for?

Otherwise, 99% of my emails and winks so far have not been very interesting or have not been from people I am interested in meeting.  Again with the picky.  Oh well.  It's a new week.

Really?

So of course I have had some interesting emails lately. Last Friday, I had gone out to eat with a friend and came home for a relaxing night since I had a 13 mile run the next day. Here I was, drinking wine and playing with my new touchscreen phone, when I got an email from some match guy, saying "He was here for me." His message pretty much said he noticed I was on Match.com on a Friday night (I was on my phone), and he thought that was sad.  He said his plans had been cancelled, so we should just make plans.  I shouldn't think about it, I shouldn't go back and look at his profile, we should just do it.  Is that guy crazy?  Not look at his profile?  Sorry, not that adventurous.

Then I got an email from another guy.  I think I will just paste the whole thing in here so you can get the full effect!  By the way, my byline says Adventurous and Easygoing.

I'm Adventurous and Easygoing with romance

Hello My Name is Marcus
I have lived in and around the Des Moines area my hole life I’m a very stable person who always know’s where I’ve been will help guide me to where I’m going “life lessons”. I’m hoping to find a women who is interesting and knows that there is a balance between being on the run and just being together no matter what we are doing. I like your profile it sounds like we would have a lot to talk about. I have always been told that I’m easy to talk to and I have a way of making you feel like you knew me for years, but I also have away to keep you guessing whats around the corner I love to surprise. I’m kinda old fashion in that I like to open doors for women and bring flowers and give a girl my coat if its cold out. I consider myself a big goof because I love to make people laugh but I can also be a smart a**, but I have a big heart of gold and I love to be romantic I love the look a women gets when she looks at me with complete contempt and desire for me. I’m a hard working man and every thing I have I’ve earned it and if I want or need something I will always find away, but I feel it’s not what you have but more important is who you share what you have with.

 

I underlined my favorite punctuation/grammar/spelling errors.  I had to underline AND italicize the line about him loving when a woman looks at him with complete contempt and desire.  Is that even possible to look that way?  Opposing emotions....I really don't get it.  I can't even figure out what he really meant to say.  But then again, I am on this site again partly for entertainment.

 

I have been emailing a guy, and he wanted to know whether I was interested in a phone conversation.  Technically, I am not.  I would just rather meet.  I told him I work Tuesday and Thursday til 10, and Wednesday I am going out with friends at 7:30 so it would have to be before or after that.  I haven't heard from him, so he probably thinks, I don't know...something bad.

 

 

Back in the saddle

New Year means new and better things to come, right?  I thought I would give it another go.  You know, give it the good old college try.  I even signed up for 3 months this time instead of a month to month basis.  I've gotten a few emails....might even respond to some today.  I had to block this creepy guy whose picture seems to be watching me from my computer. 

A couple of months ago, I went out with that guy who was a friend of a friend of a friend.  I ended up dubbing him the Poop Joke guy because he sent me one on my phone.  Before we even met.  Totally weird.  That of course didn't pan out, and not just because of the poop joke.  He has a 3 year old whom he has custody of.  I seem to be hot or cold on the kids thing depending on the day.  Back then, I just didn't want to deal with that whole cancelling of plans, crazy ex kind of thing.  Oh, and his divorce wasn't final.  Again, that is so weird to me.  Not ever have been married, I guess if you're going through the process of divorce, it's pretty much over.  But to me....you're not even divorced yet, so what are you doing dating?  I don't know...I guess that rant was leading me to a guy who emailed me.  He's 42 (a tad above my age limit, but hey, I changed it from 36 to 40!).  And of course, he has kids.  He seems looks pretty attractive though.  I wasn't all that attracted to Poop Joke guy, so maybe that's the issue.

As far as others go, my winks haven't been too promising.  A guy my friend used to date looked at my profile.  And, I guy I already went out with winked at me.  I just want to send him a message saying, "Dude, you do know we already went out, right?"  (That was Gluten Intolerant guy.)

This always seems to be good for some laughs, so I will keep you posted!

He's Just Not That Into You

And thank goodness, cuz I definitely wasn't into him!  A week and a half ago, I went on my final date with the Alaska guy.  We went to dinner (which was good) and then to a movie.  We went to see Due Date.  It reminded me of the time in college when I went on a first date with a guy I barely knew to the movie American Pie.  Awkward!!!!  There were a couple of scenes in this movie that really made me feel uncomfortable with my date.  And since that was the 6th, yes 6th, time I'd been out with him, I could tell things weren't getting any easier.  I thought I would let him pick me up, giving him the chance to walk me to my door at the end of the evening and give me a real kiss, rather than the chaste one I got the last time.  Needless to say, that didn't happen.  I believe I may have leaned over in the car for a short kiss.  Blah.  I realized that after 6 times of seeing each other, if things weren't getting any easier, they never would.  There just wasn't any chemistry.  So I dreaded the following Monday.  Usually he calls me on Mondays.  How on Earth was I supposed to tell him I just wasn't feeling it?  Alas, the feeling must be mutual, because not only did I not hear from him that Monday, I haven't heard from him in a week and a half.  Easy come, easy go.  (And at least I got out of delivering the final blow;)

So what am I doing now?  I'm done with Match.  Actually, I'm done with online dating.  At least for the rest of the year.  I was supposed to go on a date last night, but something came up with his child, so he had to cancel.  He previously didn't have a name, since he was a friend of a friend of a friend.  But, unwisely, he forwarded me a poop joke on my phone (if only he knew my aversion to all conversations regarding that topic) so now, he is the Poop Joke guy.  Not very flattering, I know. 

Also, I facebook stalked my cousin's boyfriend's cousin.  They were telling me that he is single, so I scoped him out.  Not bad.  Don't know if anything will develop there, but who knows. 

All I know is that being single is much easier.  Has dating always been this hard?